Text Diaries

Today was a day unlike any day in my life. Not only did I go back in time I also experienced sensory overload and raw emotion that I never knew could exist. I am in Kosovo. The trip was long but not difficult. Four flights from the US to Skopje , Macedonia then a 40 minute drive into Kosovo.

Kosovo is a province located in Serbia and Montenegro . Serbia and Montenegro is a country in what used to be the former Republic of Yugoslavia . I’m not a history buff so I won’t try to get in to all of that. The long and short is that Milosevic made an attempt at ethnic cleansing in the province now known as Kosovo in order to “re-claim” it as a Serbian homeland or holy land. In 1999 NATO bombed (what I understand to be) significant Serbian homes, office buildings, hideouts, etc. in an attempt to stop the ethnic cleansing and restore order. Prior to the 1999 bombings there were massacres and burnings. There were mass exoduses of almost biblical proportions from the area of Kosovo to Macedonia and other bordering countries.

I actually flew in to Skopje , Macedonia . When we landed at the airport they parked the Airbus near the “terminal” building and pushed sets of stairs up to both the forward and rear doors for us to use to exit the aircraft. As I got near the door to exit a blast of hot and humid air hit me. It was around 100 degrees. It was mid afternoon and a beautiful day. I walked across the tarmac a little bit anxious. What if they aren’t here to pick me up? What will I do? I have NO idea where to go or how to get there. I have no phone numbers. Hmmmmm.

When I got in to the terminal building I went through passport control (immigration). No problems there. Then I walked around a corner to baggage claim. Interesting! A room with a baggage belt. Nothing unusual about that UNTIL the bags began to come “around.” (More about that in a minute). We stood for a bit then I noticed through the openings in the wall that the baggage handlers were actually manually unloading the bags off of the jet on to carts and pulling the carts over to the terminal building. Nothing mechanized at all. Once they got “enough” bags near the building they turned on the belt. Now the belt did, in fact go in a circle. However, the bags would be put on the belt from the outside at one opening. If they weren’t claimed as they came around then a man would take them from the opening on the other side of the belt and physically place them on the belt at the opening on the original side. I never really understood what that was all about. Bottom line is that anyone could have walked in and out and around and under the airport. Little, if any, security seemed to be in place.

My bags all arrived. I went through Customs – a wave and smile and that was done. Then I walked outside. I think I may have been holding my breath that they were there to pick me up. There was a small crowd of people waiting on passengers. I didn’t recognize any of them. No panic yet. Keep looking. Then I heard someone call my name. I looked and there were SFC Franco and SGT Van Lanen (2 Civil Affairs Soldiers who are serving with the Multi-national Peacekeeping Force) along with three other people. I couldn’t have been happier to see them!!!

SFC Franco introduced me to the interpreters who were Dada (Serbian), Danny (Albanian) and Nick (Macedonian). Danny and Nick were both young, energetic young men. Funny story I found out later – Danny was really apprehensive about meeting me. He is the Director of a non-government organization (NGO) in Kosovo named Initiative for Progress (INPO). One of my reasons for traveling to Kosovo was to meet his group because I had been supporting them in their amazing work. I learned later that Danny thought I was going to be this rigid, take no prisoners type of American business woman. WRONG!!! So very wrong!!! Oh, I take my business VERY seriously but I choose to laugh at life as opposed to grumble and be bitter about it.

Then there was Dada. One of the most strikingly beautiful women I have ever met in my life! Early 30s. VERY intense. VERY quiet. VERY serious. She has the most incredible eyes but there is “something” back there in those eyes that I’ve never seen before and couldn’t put my finger on. Haunting came to mind but just wasn’t “it”. I would later begin to understand but will never pretend to fully understand why. Danny and Dada had both been through or seen some of the worst of the atrocities and had both experienced being refugees as well as the bombings.

After all of the greetings and introductions we left the airport for the drive to Ferizaj, Kosovo. I am going to be staying at Danny’s house during this visit. More than a little apprehensive about that but it’ll work out. Kosovo is still considered to be a hazardous duty station for our military personnel. Hmmmmm. What am I getting myself into?

As we got close to the checkpoint between Macedonia and Kosovo Danny pointed towards the right to a beautiful hillside. It was a bit odd to see that it had these sweeping “lines” in it. Danny explained to me that was where one of the refugee camps was and, in fact, was the one in which he, his mother and his 3 sisters “lived” in a tent city during their “exile” from Kosovo. The sweeping “lines” were the roadways/pathways where no tents had been. Danny’s father was not able to leave with them because Danny’s grandfather was paralyzed and there was no way to physically carry him out of Kosovo. Danny’s father hid himself and the grandfather throughout the entire ordeal. At one point some of the Serbian Army soldiers took up residence in their home but, luckily, did not harm them. Danny’s family is Albanian (kind of an important fact here).

When we got to the checkpoint I had to get out of the vehicle to walk through. Danny got out with me as my interpreter. I learned that there is a “no man’s land” between Kosovo and any bordering country. You have to stop, in this case, at the Macedonian side, get cleared, then walk about a quarter of a mile to the Kosovo side and its checkpoint to get cleared there. It was odd, it was scary, it was strange, it was WEIRD. We stood in line behind several others who were in the same process as we were. When we approached the window the man began speaking. Danny replied to him. He took my passport. UGH!!! I HATE for anyone to take my passport. He and Danny exchanged more conversation. Danny never said anything to me. Then Danny told me we had to “go inside” this building. OK, I’m thinking this wasn’t such a good idea but I can’t turn back now because the “guy” has my passport!!! All turned out well. Seems they just wanted to do a “background” check on me.

The border crossing looking from Macedonia towards Kosovo.

I got my passport back and we began to walk towards the next checkpoint. As we were walking Danny pointed to the left to some concrete dividers much like the ones used in highway construction in America . There were 2 rows of them with about 5 feet between them. Danny explained that when they were leaving Kosovo for Macedonia tens of thousands of people were lined up between those barriers hoping for the chance to get out. He went in to a bit more detail but suffice to say – it was chilling. They were hungry, frightened, sick, weak…..people died, pass out. I cannot imagine what it must have been like. That was in 1999. Danny was 14 at the time which means his sisters would have been 12, 9 and 6. I also can’t imagine why the concrete barriers are still there as a reminder. What’s the purpose?

We cleared the Kosovo checkpoint easily. Seems the people of Kosovo LOVE Americans. Lots of smiles and waves. Then we jumped in the vehicle and off again. The Balkans (former Yugoslav area) are beautiful. The drive from Skopje to Ferizaj was through an area of small mountains and breathtaking valleys. The roadway goes through tunnels in the mountain. There was one mountain stream that rambled from one side of the road to the other. Trying to take in all of the beauty as well as listening to the conversation was impossible. I tried to focus mostly on the conversation.

Now I thought we would be going straight to Danny’s house. His family has graciously agreed to allow me to stay there during this visit. That, however, was not our destination. We drove up in to the mountains of Southeast Kosovo to an area near the village of Brezovica . (If you are trying to find Brezovica on a map you MAY run in to a problem. It seems that all villages and towns in Kosovo have an Albanian name and a Serbian name. Because I don’t speak either language and stayed with an Albanian family I decided (for no other reason) to use the Albanian names.) There is a ski “resort” there that, apparently, was built during the Soviet occupation. An absolutely gorgeous area! The road up to the ski resort was narrow and winding but in good repair (something I would later find out is not always the case with roadways in Kosovo). The buildings were old and simple. The ski lift didn’t look like anything I would want to get on but, it was summer and it didn’t really matter. The views were spectacular. We went there because a multi ethnic youth retreat was being held. Danny and some of his friends have a small band and they were the entertainment for the night. I was pleased to see that they had about 50 young adults there. From what I gathered the retreat was successful. There had been sessions on team building, first aid, etc. Honestly, I was so tired I didn’t ask enough questions to know exactly everything they had been doing. I did have a pleasant surprise of getting to see several of the Civil Affairs Soldiers that I had “sent off” at Ft. Benning back in December of 2004. That was nice. They were an integral part of the retreat along with a group called East-West. East-West is an NGO working in Kosovo to bring together the youth of different ethnic backgrounds. From what I understand they do a fantastic job.

Ski lift at “resort” in Bresovica.

All of the young adults seemed to be getting along well. I didn’t notice any “clicks”. They were talking and dancing and laughing together. That was really nice to see. The music was LOUD!!! But, I’m old. At one point someone decided to have me sing. NOT!!!! Didn’t happen. Won’t EVER happen!

We left Brezovica around 11:00 PM – about 30 hours after I had left America . Ugh! Did I mention that I am old?

We arrived at Danny’s home around 11:30 PM . His family, with the exception of his youngest sister who is 12 and was sound asleep, met us as we pulled up to the house. I was a bit anxious not only to meet them but at the idea of staying with people I didn’t even know in a country that is still known to have a few security “issues”. In the end it was the greatest experience I could possibly have had.

His father is 49 and looks as if he is 70. He is a small man with kind eyes and a smile that melted my heart. His mother is 47 and also shows signs of having lived a difficult life. She, too, has kind eyes but looks so very tired. They both came running to greet me and to take my bags. The two oldest sisters didn’t approach quite as quickly and appeared a bit apprehensive. They moved in to this home only a couple of months ago. It is new and is built like a duplex. Mr. Ilazi’s brother and his family live on the “other” side. I later learned that the home they used to live in was on a main street. It was old and in disrepair for a myriad of reasons. They were able to sell the home for a nice amount of money since it was located on a main street. That enabled them to build this home.

During my visit I was given my own bedroom. Danny’s sisters were “doubling up” in order for me to have this room. In a way I was happy for that. In another way I felt guilty. Danny’s mother grabbed as many of my bags as she could carry and began to carry them upstairs. I tried to take some of them away from her but she wouldn’t allow me to do so. They led me upstairs and showed me my room. It was nice – 2 twin size beds with minimal storage. Then they set about showing me the bathroom and how everything worked. NO real need to go through all of that but very few things operate like they do in America . THEN they gave me the candle “drill.” The what? Well, it seems that electricity is not all that reliable around Kosovo. It goes off at the drop of a hat and one must be prepared. So, I was given candles and a cigarette lighter that actually has a pen light on it. OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We then went downstairs to the “family” room. It is a room that consists of the kitchen area, dining area and sitting area. We were served hot tea despite the fact that it was terribly hot and humid. No air conditioning. All available windows and doors were open which led to the mosquitoes having their way with me. It has been a VERY long day for everyone. Around midnight SFC Franco and SFG Van Lanen said their good-byes and returned to Camp Bondsteel . I wasn’t afraid but it was “different.” I went up to my room and began to write in my journal. As tired as I was I just couldn’t go to sleep. The mosquitoes were shrill in my ear. I THOUGHT I had come prepared for most anything but I had NOT come prepared for mosquitoes. I’ll deal with that tomorrow. Around 2:00 a.m. I lay down to sleep but sleep wouldn’t come. My mind was spinning with all that I had seen and heard that day. I attempted to “file” things away, to think about pleasant scenes and thoughts. Then I heard a baby crying in a house nearby. It wasn’t an unhappy baby cry. It was more like a cry that the baby was afraid. Then my brain kicked in to gear wondering what it must have been like to lay in bed at night and wonder if your home would be terrorized by para-military or burned. What it must have been like to see and hear the bombings. I wasn’t afraid as I lay there thinking those thoughts but I couldn’t make them go away. Around 4:00 a.m. I finally fell asleep out of pure exhaustion.

5:00 a.m. RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING. The alarm clock. ARGH!!!!!

31 July 2005 – Macedonia/Kosovo

5:00 a.m. RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!! The alarm clock. Ugh! I’d only been asleep about an hour. Have to get up. It is Sunday and we are going on an outing to Ohrid Beach down in Macedonia with 2 of the youth groups. They thought it would be nice to take me to a beach for the day to relax since they knew I would have had a long journey the day before.

I trundled to the bathroom and tried to remember which switch was for the light, which one was for the hot water, etc. Guess I must have gotten it right. Everything seemed to work fine. After showering and dressing (and with wet hair) I went downstairs to the family room. Mr. & Mrs. Ilazi were there having hot tea. No one else was there. BIG PROBLEM. I don’t speak Albanian or Serbian and they don’t speak English. Mrs. Ilazi brought me tea and a plate of cheese. We just sat and stared at each other. I was brushing my hair from time to time. It was wet and I was trying to help give it a little “lift” by brushing it as it dried. I didn’t even attempt to take power converters with me. I’ve done that before and they never really worked. Danny FINALLY came in and was able to help us talk.

The group came to pick me up and we back tracked through Skopje on our way to Lake Ohrid . When we got to the border crossing Danny and I got out of the vehicle on the Kosovo side and walked through just as we had done the day before. We hopped back in the vehicle on the Macedonian side and continued our journey. A really strange and different experience for me.

We stopped in Skopje to allow the van with several of the young adults in it that was trailing us to pick up another young man who had taken a train from “somewhere” to meet us there for the outing. Then we were off again. We drove about 5 hours. Had I known that BEFORE we left I may have asked to do something a little closer to “home.” Lake Ohrid is in the Southwestern part of Macedonia . The country through which we drove was beautiful. We drove through a valley with mountain ranges on each side. We drove over one of the mountain ranges. We talked and laughed along the way just getting to know one another. We made a few wrong turns but we finally arrived at the beach. Another HMMMMMMMMMM here. This beach was FILTHY and the “sand” was more like pee gravel but packed with people. I immediately went over to a vendor and purchased a couple of mats for us to sit on. Turned out to be a fantastic purchase.

Dada, Kristy and I went to the women’s rest room to change from our clothes to our bathing suites. YUCK!!! I’d really rather not get in to the condition of the restrooms in this region of the world but I will tell you that it was a challenge to change my clothes without stepping in material that I’d rather not step in. AND we had to pay to use the “facility.” Back out to the beach to claim our “spots.” Dada and I began to chat. Seems that neither of us really wanted to be there. It was HOT HOT HOT. The water was cold but not so clean looking. I must admit that the view itself was quite pleasant - just not the physical surroundings. After about 2 hours I declared that it was time to go. So, back to the restroom to pay to change again then in to the vehicles for the drive back to Ferizaj, Kosovo. We were all tired and I, admittedly, was a wee bit cranky but trying to put on my happy face.

Ohrid Lake , Macedonia

When we got to Skopje we stopped to allow the van to drop off the young man we had picked up the day before. Then, I thought, we were on our way back to Ferizaj and to BED. Nope. We stopped at McDonalds. Yep. There is no McDonalds in Kosovo. The nearest one is in Macedonia and there is only one there. While everyone else was eating I used the internet café in McDonalds to check email. Then we loaded up to go back to Ferizaj. Once again at the border crossing Danny and I got out, walked through both checkpoints and hopped in the vehicle on the Kosovo side. I suppose the plus to this is that I continue to get stamps on my passport.

We arrived at the Ilazi’s home and Danny and I were dropped off. We went in for hot tea. Mrs. Ilazi tried to feed me (which would become a routine). I declined the food as I wasn’t hungry. I was tired and wanted to go to bed. So, I did.

1 August 2005 –Kosovo

I’m sleeping well here despite the mosquitoes. I’ve learned to put in earplugs to keep from hearing them buzzing and “whining” around my ears all night long. And, I’m covering myself from head to foot with fowl smelling lotion to keep them from biting so badly. Some of them seem to have snouts of steel, though. Not sure what is different about the little buggers over here but their bites are very potent and make huge bumps on me.

This morning after having hot tea and visiting with the Ilazis I went to the INPO (Initiative for Progress) office in Ferizaj (Urosevac) to meet the group. The reason I put the name Urosevac in too is because every village, town and city in Kosovo is shown by both its Albanian and Serbian name. All of that has to do with history. I won’t give you a long history lesson here but, in a nut shell the most recent “history” is as follows:

Kosovo is located in the Balkans and is currently a province of Serbia and Montenegro . Serbia and Montenegro along with Croatia , Macedonia , Albania , Bosnia and Herzegovina and Slovenia make up what used to be Yugoslavia . Because I choose not to be political I will continue by saying that due to many wars, occupations, etc. and, partly, as a result of the NATO bombings in Kosovo to remove Milosevic from power, the majority of the population in the province of Kosovo is Albanian. Kosovo is working towards independence from Serbia and Montenegro . They held their first democratic elections only a couple of years ago. They are under the scope of the United Nations Mission in Kosovo (UNMIK). America has troops here as part of NATO/KFOR (Kosovo Force) Peacekeeping. I did not come here because of any of that. I came here to meet the young people I have been supporting from home and to visit deployed Soldiers I have been supporting in both Iraq and now here.

I will use the Albanian names most often in my writings since I am normally around Albanian people. However, I will always try to be mindful of the Serbian names as well. INPO is a group of young adults who are very involved in community action. Ramadan “Danny” Ilazi is the Director. He is also my Albanian interpreter and it is at his family’s home that I am staying. The drive to the INPO office through Ferizaj was “interesting.” People walk in the streets. People drive on the sidewalks. I must admit I was a bit anxious as Danny weaved and bobbed – zigged and zagged our way there. Most of the streets have potholes big enough to swallow his car. It seems to be accepted there that if a big pothole is on your side of the street you simply pull over into oncoming traffic to avoid it. Seems to work for them but nothing I’m used to for sure.

The INPO office is actually an apartment on the bottom floor of an apartment building. Danny parked near the building. As we walked towards the office I was disgusted by the mounds and piles of garbage and trash everywhere. The smell was not too pleasant either.

The members were all anxiously awaiting our arrival. As we entered the office they seemed to huddle closer together. Who WAS this woman and was she going to be mean? HA HA HA. We all had laughs about that later. They are all very nice looking young men and women. Danny made the introductions and then they showed me around. They have a training room, office area (room), bathroom and storage area. It is small but seems to be adequate for them at this time. The computer screen savers were of the American flag waving as if in a breeze. I was very touched by that. They were all very cordial. I was offered juice or soda. After a few minutes I supposed they realized I wasn’t the “big bad wolf” and they began to barrage me with questions and stories about what they are doing. It was a very nice time and I was so happy to meet all of them. Next they told me about the plans for the week. I’m excited to be there and to have the opportunity to join them in some of their projects.

Some of the INPO members in their office

We had a meeting scheduled with Deputy Municipal President (DMP) Gafurr Imeri. As the time for the meeting approached I kept mentioning to Danny that we needed to go. He didn’t seem too worried about it. This was my first introduction to “Kosovo time.” Kosovo time pretty much means you get there when you get there. UGH!!! I just don’t operate that way. I have to keep reminding myself I am on their turf. However, I did talk to Danny about respecting Mr. Imeri and his position and how I, personally, didn’t feel right being late and having him wait for us. So, we began walking to the Municipal Building .

Kosovo is divided in to 30 municipalities. Each municipality can be thought of as a “state.” Each municipality has an elected government. The Municipal President is about equivalent to a Governor in America . The Deputy Municipal President is about equivalent to a Lt. Governor.

When we arrived at the DMP’s office there were people and media EVERYWHERE!!! OK, this is a first for me. The introductions were made. I was asked it I would like anything to drink. I had NO idea what to order (that would later change) so I asked for juice. Juice was something I’d sort of learned everyone there drinks fairly regularly.

Mr. Imeri’s office is sparse but roomy. I immediately noticed that on his desk he has three small flags in stands – the flag of Kosovo, the UN flag and the American flag. WOW!!! I didn’t expect to see that. We all took our seats and Mr. Imeri began reading a statement of welcome to me. Danny interpreted it for us. It was very nice. Mr. Imeri is a kind and gentle man. He is a very soft spoken man. I immediately felt comfortable with him.

DMP Imeri making a welcome statement to me.

After Mr. Imeri read the welcome statement to me we chatted (via Danny) for a bit. He told me several things that made me sick. He told me that the school children have no books. WHAT? He told me they don’t have enough teachers. Teachers they have only make about $200.00 a month. Even many of the teachers don’t have books. Housing is a problem. Many people live in “houses” that have no windows and doors. Many have no electricity or running water. Those who have electricity cannot depend on it as it goes off often. He is a very hopeful man. He didn’t ask me for anything but thanked me for coming and for being interested in seeing what Kosovo is like. Then the reporters (TV, radio and print) began asking me questions. Basically they were asking why I came to Kosovo, what I thought about Kosovo, etc. As I looked back on it I realized none of them ever asked me what I intended to do for Kosovo. Hmmm. While I knew that the meeting was scheduled with Mr. Imeri I really hadn’t given any thought to it being so formal and “business-like.” Even though it was I didn’t feel intimidated or as if there were any expectations. Good! I told them I came here without any ideas as to what I would find – that I basically wanted to get to know INPO better to see what, if anything, I could do towards helping them with their cause; and, quite honestly, to determine if I wanted to continue to help them. Then DMP Imeri invited some of the INPO members, Mr. Zefi (Bota Sot newspaper reporter), KFOR and me to lunch.

We drove for about 15 minutes through the city of Ferizaj (Ferizaj is also the name of one of the municipalities). Before long we were on the outskirts of the city. It was very beautiful – lush and green and wildflowers growing everywhere. We finally arrived at the restaurant. It seemed fairly new and was very modern. We chose a table outside under the shade of a tree. It was HOT and I figured even with a little breeze outside it would be better than being inside with no Air Conditioning or breeze. Uh oh! The menu was in Albanian. So, Danny came to my rescue (sort of). I told him what I was interested in ordering and he found something as close as he could to that on the menu.

Lunch with DMP Imeri, INPO, KFOR and Mr. Zefi

Mr. Imeri ordered a bottle of local red wine. He, Mrs. Krasniqi, Mr. Zefi and I each had a glass. It was, actually, not so bad. Lunch lasted over 2 hours. It was very pleasant and a lot of fun. We TRIED to tell jokes but, as it turns out, the funniest part is that they just don’t translate. We had several laughs about that.

After lunch KFOR and I went to Camp Bondsteel . I have to say I was ready for that. I knew that Camp Bondsteel wasn’t “ America ” but I was hoping it would be close enough. What I haven’t been typing about is all of the poverty, destruction, garbage, etc. While there people are absolutely amazing and kind the sensory overload I have had since arriving a couple of days ago has really gotten to me. I needed some “normalcy.” And, with the exception of SFC Franco and SGT Van Lanen I hadn’t seen any of “my” Soldiers since I got here. The last time I saw them all was in December at Ft. Benning when I had their “going away” party for them.

I had sent the requested information and paperwork ahead so that I had been cleared for entrance on to Camp Bondsteel . As we approached I was a bit apprehensive. I’d never been on a military installation outside of the US . I knew there were a lot of rules that I had to be very sensitive about and I wanted to be respectful of both the Soldiers and my surroundings. We rolled up to the first checkpoint at the main gate and showed our IDs. Then we were pulled over. SFC Franco (Mario) and I got out and went in to get my visitor’s badge. Everyone was very professional and very courteous. Then we hopped back in to the vehicle and pulled up to the second checkpoint. We got out of the vehicle. The Soldiers went over to clear their weapons and I went over to be searched and wanded. I had my camera in my purse. That was a no-no. The security person gave it to the Soldiers and said that I’m not allowed to have that on Camp Bondsteel . I’ll leave it behind next time. Sorry!!!

Camp Bondsteel is big to me. There may be other overseas locations that are bigger but I’ll probably never know. I found it interesting that the entire Camp was built in about 6 months back in 1999. Impressive! My group was staying in SEA huts in North Town . We parked and walked a short distance. It was late afternoon so many of them were coming in from missions. LTC Hettich and MAJ Dantoin were at the TOC (Tactic Operations Command) where LTC Hettich’s office is. Some of the group is actually staying at Camp Monteith which is about 30 minutes away near Gjilan. Mario and Kristy (SGT Van Lanen) went to change in to their PT clothes. Once they have “secured” me with someone else (I’m not allowed to be unattended) they are going to go work out. Within a few minutes MAJ Ross (Anthony) walked up. Golly it is so good to see these men and women again. Then SPC Schroeder (Amy) appeared. Hugs all around. Catching up. Not too much later LTC Hettich, Commanding (Paul) and MAJ Dantoin, XO (Chris) showed up. More hugs, etc.

Paul, Chris and I went in to the day room to chat. I was talking 90 miles an hour about what I had seen, who I had met, where I had been, etc. I’m talking about the traffic, the garbage, the poverty, the lack of school books, teachers, electricity, housing… I made the statement that I was in absolute sensory overload. Chris had been leaning back in a chair with his arms crossed all the while. Suddenly he began to have this smirk or grin on his face. I’m not really sure which it was. Then he simply said, “You get it!” WHAT? I “get” what? Now, I don’t really “know” most of these Soldiers. I met them at Ft. Benning and spent a bit of time with them there before they left for Kosovo but it’s not like we’ve all been lifelong friends. Chris starts off on a long verbal essay about Kosovo and post conflict countries. This is his 4th deployment to Kosovo. He was here in the first deployment (the emergency phase) right after the NATO bombings. He’s telling me about Phase I, Phase II, Phase III and Phase IV. Huh? Ok, sir. Could we just slow down a little and remember that I am a civilian here? I have NO idea what most of the things you are talking about mean. I get the basic “drift” but is there going to be a test later? Sure hope not!!! I’ll need to review. There is no doubt as I listen to him that he is one of the brightest, deepest, most compassionate people I’ve ever met. More overload – where’s the bar?

As he’s talking several things occur to me. First of all, aside from military, government employees, civilian contractors and media I wonder just how many TRUE civilians from America have every set foot in Kosovo? I wonder how many even know where Kosovo is? I wonder why in the heck I am here? I wonder how so many billions of dollars have been spent here and the children cannot even get an education – much less my thoughts about other issues of survival. Without a basic education how in the world will this place survive?

I’m DONE!!! NO MORE TODAY!!!

We ate then I went back to the Ilazi’s house for the night. When we arrived I noticed clothes hanging out to dry AND I noticed that some of mine were hanging out. I rolled my eyes. I cannot believe they have done my laundry. We’ll have to have a talk about that. In the house we go and to the family room. Hot tea and cookies were served immediately. I asked Danny to please tell his mother not to do my laundry. Waste of breath!!! ARGH!

Off to bed. Earplugs in. Slept like a baby.

2 August 2005 – Kosovo

Up at 07:00 and out the door by 08:00 . In between showered, hot tea and conversation.

We stopped at the PoPo Club. PoPo club is run by Resul Jusufi. It is a theatrical group that allows young adults to use modern theatre as a way of expressing themselves and to work through a lot of the pain and anguish caused by their experiences growing up here. Resul is an artist and paints some very beautiful modern art. His medium of choice is acrylic. He has had expositions in some of the embassies in Prishtina and he has sold some of his art to diplomats. We stopped at PoPo to pick up Resul and a couple of the INPO members. Resul is from Prizren and that is our first stop today. INPO set my itinerary for the week. Today is a combination of “getting to know each other” and a tour of Western Kosovo .

The drive to Prizren took about 40 minutes or so. We traveled through an area that goes from valley floor to rolling countryside. I was surprised to see vineyards as well as newly planted orchards. A positive indication that life is coming back to this area. HOWEVER, I must comment that it is NOT uncommon to see:

Mules, donkeys or horses pulling carts laden with goods going to town. They are sharing the highways and streets with the cars and trucks
Livestock, including cows and horses, in the backs of trucks, wagons and in the back seats of cars. Again, the only way to get them to the markets
What I call “old fashioned” shocks of hay. Often there are tens if not hundreds dotting a field.

Horse drawn cart near Prizren. This is NOT an uncommon site.

Once we got to Prizren we wound our way through narrow streets towards “old town.” Resul lives near old town and explained that part of the city is the original part. I believe he said it was settled during the early Ottoman occupation about 600 years ago. I do know that we later walked down cobble stoned streets that were laid by the Ottomans. VERY interesting to see and walk on.

We parked. NOT in a parking place but “on the side” of the street. I don’t think we were even pointed in the correct direction but, this IS Kosovo after all!!! Then we walked a short distance to Resul’s gallery that he had been so excited all morning about showing us. His gallery is in his home. As you walk through the gate you enter a courtyard that is enclosed on 3 sides. This is where he paints and displays some of his pieces. I’m not sure how he keeps the elements from affecting them. After we spent some time in that area he led us up a set of stairs to the living space. It was HOT!!! Over 100 degrees Fahrenheit. There was no breeze in his house. We were all miserable. Resul served us juice and soda then began to bring out painting after painting after painting.

Resul Jusufi showing off some of his paintings at his home in Prizren.

I bought one of Resul’s smaller paintings. I was agonizing between 2 and finally decided on one of them.

When we just couldn’t take the heat any more we left Resul’s house to walk through the old city and to a restaurant for lunch. Although it was hot it was nice to be out where there was a little bit of a breeze.

During the bombings Prizren was one of the cities that, apparently, took a great deal of the “heat. I was astonished to see so many reminders of that time.

Bombing remnants from 1999 in Prizren.

I was also amazed to see how the buildings on either side of the one pictured above were not damaged at all. Pretty precise hits.

We walked by a mosque estimated to be about 400-500 years old. We walked to a Catholic church estimated to be almost 300 years old. We walked down one side of the river that runs through the city and crossed a bridge to the other side. At one point I looked ahead and stopped dead in my tracks. Sure enough! An old Roman bath house. WOW!!!

Roman bath house in Prizren.

Resul said we could go inside. I was SOOOOOOOOOO excited – UNTIL – we went inside. I could not believe what I saw. A man had opened a wedding gown shop inside this amazing ruin. So, I got a “lesson” on Kosovo. It seems that now that they are “free” no one really knows who owns anything. So, many buildings become the “property” of squatters. Oh, I kinda think this man probably struck a deal with someone but I know this piece of history SHOULD belong to all the people. The man was VERY nice and allowed us to walk through his “shop” to the back rooms of the bath house. It was in disrepair but not too badly. I’m not an historian but I know this could be restored with little trouble compared to some of the ruins I have seen in other parts of Europe .

Resul and one of the INPO members expressing their dismay that the Roman bath house is a wedding gown shop.

We continued on our journey through Prizren and found a restaurant on the edge of the river. There was a tree next to the restaurant that Resul told us is around 1000 years old. There was a plaque in front of the tree that made that same claim. We had a relaxing lunch. The food was good. I’ve found that all of the food in Kosovo is very tasty. A mix of European and Mediterranean . Yummy!

Me sitting on a wall by the river in Prizren. 500-600 year old Mosque in the background.

After lunch we walked back to Resul’s, got in the vehicles and continued on our journey north towards Peja (Pec). I appreciate Resul for taking the day to show me around his city. I hope to get back there someday and explore more.

We left Prizren on our way to Peja. Our “plan” was to visit the Mirusha waterfalls. I can’t really tell you about the Mirusha waterfalls since we never made it there. Bummer. I LOVE water. The thought of a water “experience” in a land locked area was exciting and enticing to me. Alas, not meant to be today.

The drive to Peja took almost 2 hours. I learned that this area of Kosovo (the Western part) took some of the biggest “hits” before and during the NATO bombing. Apparently one of the biggest massacres was discovered in this area. I’m still having trouble processing all of this information. Murders, rapes, burning of homes and whole villages just because you are of a different ethnic origin. Maybe I do live in a bubble. Maybe I need to find out more about the facts of what has gone on and is going on in countries and regions around the world. Ok, not maybe – I should.

I loved the conversation in the vehicle. The locals were happy to share information and history about the areas through which we were passing. The younger people were being, well, younger people – razzing each other, laughing, telling jokes, etc. Never a dull or quiet moment. There were 8 of use in the vehicle. VERY cozy for sure and it was HOT!!! We had a cooler with bottled water in it. The problem was there were 2 young adults “sitting” on the cooler at all times. Not very convenient when you wanted a bottle. Often we would have to stop and unload to get to it.

Now I really had no idea what we were doing the remainder of the day and, as it turned out, we ended up just winging it. When we got to Peja we decided to drive part of the way up the Rugova Gorge. I had no idea what the Rugova Gorge was. Believe me – worth the price of the airline ticket to experience it!!!

We went through a checkpoint. Immediately to our left was a walled monastery. I wish we could have had a better view of it. From what the locals were telling me it is very old, historical and beautiful. Maybe on another trip I will have the opportunity to explore it. Most of the way up the gorge we were in sight of a beautiful mountain stream. There were families, couples and individuals lounging around, picnicking near and playing in it. It was one of the most beautiful streams I’ve ever seen.

Mountain Stream through the Rugova Gorge

We continued to wind slowly up the gorge. The sheer granite walls were spectacular. At many points parts of the road had fallen off into thin air. Kosovo is not known for its guard rails or safety features on mountain roads. We went through tunnels cut through the granite, over narrow wooden bridges and seemed, at times, to meet ourselves as we rounded hair pin turns. It was not a speedy ascent.

We got to a point where the road curved around to the right. We knew that if we took that road we were, most likely, end up in Montenegro . So, we took a left. We immediately spotted a couple of buildings that had been bombed in 1999. I’d seen several buildings like that all day today and was having trouble imaging what that time must have been like. But, to see a building “up here” in the middle of nowhere that had been bombed made me wonder many things. We stopped for a minute to get a better view then continued up a winding road. This was a slow go. At one point we met people walking down the road. I had NO idea from where they were coming. There didn’t seem to be any civilization around. And then, we rounded a corner and I held my breath. I felt like I was on top of the world. There was a resort sitting in a meadow up on the mountain. We decided to stop and have some of that amazingly wonderful macchiato.

Waiting for macchiato at the resort high up the Rugova Gorge

After enjoying the view, the cows and goats with bells on walking through the pasture below us, the macchiato and friends, we loaded up for the trek back down the gorge. It took us almost an hour to get back down to Peja. We made one quick stop then began the trip back to Ferizaj. It was late and foggy and we were all tired but agreed it had been a wonderful day.

As we were crawling along through the fog I noticed a man standing on the side of the road and things just didn’t “look” right. Suddenly I could not believe my eyes!!! He was facing the road and relieving himself!!! It was explained to me that, more than likely, he had enjoyed a bit too much Rakia. Rakia is a home made clear liquor that many in Kosovo “enjoy!”

I’m not sure exactly where but we stopped in some town and ate dinner. By the time we got back to Ferizaj it was close to 10:00 PM. We had hot tea with the Ilazis then off to bed.

3 August 2005 –Kosovo

Today was hot, hot, hot. It didn’t help any that we woke up to no power. If there isn’t any power there isn’t any running water. So……….no shower this morning. Yuck!!!

I spent the morning with INPO. They had a project planned today to clean up a local historic park area. We met at the INPO office. I had no idea where we were going. It didn’t really matter. I was just excited to 1) be asked to participate and 2) be spending time with the “team.” These young adults are amazing. I admire their energy and the projects they are tackling. Their projects run the gamut from social issues to governmental oversight to beautification and a clean environment.

So, we’re all gathered at the INPO office and Danny Ilazi (INPO Director) tells me that he is going to start taking people to the sight. OK. So, 5 of us pack in to his clown size car (from the circus) and bounce and swerve to the sight. Did I mention how hot it was? No air conditioning in the car, of course. It took us about 15 minutes to get there. When we arrived saw a beautiful old building that turned out to be an old mill. There was a stream that was “attempting” to run beneath the building. Upstream are actually 2 streams that split just before the mill building. One of them “runs” under the mill. Our job today was to clean out the stream as well as the weeds and garbage around it. Danny dropped us off and went back for another group.

I began to wonder just “how” we were going to attack the job. What tools were we going to use? What was the plan of attack? And……why didn’t we bring bottled water with us? As we stood around waiting on the others I decided we needed to get busy. So, I asked about tools. One of the guys reached down in to the weeds and pulled out an OLD wooden scythe!!! I’d never seen anything like it in my life. Then he picked up a stone for use in sharpening the blade on the scythe. Mercy, mercy, mercy. Will this experience back in time never end?

Leta using the wooden scythe while cleaning up at the historic mill site.

The guys began to take turns with the scythe and the remainder of us began picking up garbage. I couldn’t help but notice a plethora of beautiful wild flowers. I asked that they not be cut or pulled. We worked for about half an hour and I was so thirsty. Danny had not returned with the other group so we had no transportation and were near the outskirts of town with no stores around to buy water. One of the ladies walked down the dirt road and asked a lady in a house for water. The lady was happy to oblige since she was very excited about the clean up. Uh oh! I’ve been VERY careful not to drink the local water. Oh well. They drink it so--------------------here goes. Ah!!!!!!!!!!!! Sure did taste good. Guess we’ll see if there are any after effects.

As we were cleaning up the media arrived. INPO is very good about having press coverage of what they do. Toss in the fact that and “American” is in town and they all load up with their cameras, recorders, etc. and show up. Nothing I’m used to for sure but, I suppose, just part of the experience. That’s the way I choose to look at it. I had met several of these media personnel earlier in the week so there was lots of hugging and cheek kissing then the cameras were ready to roll. Oops – no cameras yet. Danny isn’t back and he’s 1) the Director and 2) my interpreter. So the media began helping with the clean up. I LOVED it!!! Not long after Danny arrived with the next load of INPO members. Because it was so hot the media wanted to do their thing and leave we had a press conference standing in the midst of the mess.

Leta being interviewed by the media at historic mill sight clean up

After the clean up was over I grabbed a ride back to the Ilazi’s house to the news I was hoping for – power was back on. I hopped in the shower. Ahhhhh!! After a quick shower it was back in a vehicle and off to Prishtina/Pristina for a meeting with Dyli (sp?). He is the Deputy Director of the Ministry of Culture, Youth and Sports. This was my first trip to the capital during daylight hours. I couldn’t believe all of the bombed out shells of buildings that dotted the landscape as we drove the 45 minutes or so. No matter how much I TRY to get my mind around this I just cannot believe the destruction was only 6 years ago. I’ll never try to understand what it must have been like to be there but I do try to understand the time frame and cannot.

Prishtina has a definite metropolitan flair to it. There is a lot of American and British influence, too. As part of the UN Peacekeeping force the British were “responsible” for the Prishtina area. They have done their job and left as I understand it. There are many billboards, banners, etc. thanking the Brits. There was also a billboard expressing condolences to them for terrorism they have had in their country. There was the hotel Victory with the Statue of Liberty prominently placed atop, Bill Clinton Boulevard and…….holy smokes………..the Playboy Club. NO WAY !!!! Yep, sure as I’m writing this it was there in downtown Prishtina. No, we didn’t check it out but I sure stopped to make sure the door was really advertising what I thought it was.

We went to the Ministry of Culture, Youth and Sports. Dyli was waiting for us. Yippee!!! His office is air conditioned. This may not be so bad after all!!! Dyli is a very kind man. He spoke English well enough that I didn’t need Danny to interpret everything but he was there to help out as we needed him. After hearing about a lot of the multi ethnic programs for youth in Kosovo (from sports to art to camps, etc). Dyli asked if we would like to go to lunch. It was mid afternoon but we hadn’t eaten so we went. He took us to a restaurant in a beautiful park in Prishtina. I was happy to see families, couples and people in general enjoying the park. It looked “normal” and I hadn’t seen much “normal” since I got here. Lunch was good and we had ice cream after. Now that was REALLY good!

Leta and Dyli at the Ministry of Culture, Youth and Sports in Prishtina, Kosovo

After lunch we took Dyli back to his office. He invited us to come back to Prishtina for the weekend and meet his wife and “hang out.” Sounds wonderful but I doubt the schedule is going to allow for that on this trip. I do want to see him again on a future trip, though. His devotion to the young adults and children of Kosovo is enormous.

Back to Ferizaj and to PoPo for music and macchiato. Then back to the Ilazis. OK, now is when I admit. I DROVE in Kosovo. What an experience. As Danny and I were walking to his car to go from PoPo back to his house I asked if I could drive. Danny didn’t expect that I could drive a stick shift. Oh yes I can!!! And, I did. Doubt I’ll ever have the opportunity in America to just “drive” wherever I want to. It was something for sure.

Back at the house. Hot tea, hugs, kisses and conversation then off to bed. Earplugs in, mosquito gunk slathered on and alarm clock set.

4 August 2005 –Kosovo

Today was HOT! HOT! HOT! The “heat” meters at Camp Bondsteel were at 5 (highest they can be). I think they’d have had them at 6 if 6 was an option. The heat indicator reminder boards instructed all Soldiers to drink 2 bottles of water an hour. I’m not so sure they really needed that reminder!

Of course I woke up to hot tea and conversation with the Ilazi family. Just can’t beat starting your day that way. Communication is still an issue unless Danny is around to interpret. Danny isn’t always “around” when I need him. Probably has something to do with the 20+ year age difference among other things. But, we get along. Turns out Adelina (12 year old daughter) actually does quite well interpreting for us. A little slower than Danny but, hey, I don’t even speak one word of Albanian so I think she’s a star!!!

Since my earlier meeting with DMP Imeri and the “others” he has thought a lot about the idea of forming Sister City partnerships. So, he wants to make it “official.” Prior to arriving at his office I had no idea what Danny meant when he said Mr. Imeri wanted to make it “official.” Well………………”official” means LOTS of media, lots of people, lots of hugs, hand shakes, cheek kisses, macchiato AND the signing of a document that gives me the authority to act on behalf of the City of Ferizaj in pursuit of a Sister City. We signed several “copies” so that everyone could have an original. Oh, we had the ceremonial ink pens, etc. It was fun!

Vjollca Krasniqi, Leta & DMP Imeri signing the Sister Cities “agreement” for Leta to represent Ferizaj in pursuit of matches.

After the signing, all the photos, the interviews with the TV, radio and print media it was off to lunch! I had been hearing a lot about the swimming pool. I had even been promised that we would spend a day at the swimming pool. Alas, too many meetings, too much to learn. No day lazing by the swimming pool. However, we did eat lunch at the restaurant next to the swimming pool. It sure looked cool and refreshing.

Lunch with DMP Imeri, Vjollca Krasniqi, INPO, ASTER, Media and US KFOR

As usual the food was delicious. The conversation was warm and friendly with bits of business thrown in. So far my experience is that the Kosovars don’t mix meals and business. A bit refreshing I’d say. After we ate the owner showed us around the property. He was very happy to have us there and was incredibly accommodating. Lots of photos taken with different groups of people. I’m not historically a photo person as far as wanting to be in them. That’s changed since arriving here.

A group named Handiford (sp?) had been calling and calling and calling since learning of me being in Kosovo. I suppose they learned via one of the TV reports or newspaper articles. I really don’t know. All I know is that INPO thinks I should meet with them. So, if INPO thinks it’s a good idea – let’s go.

I should remind myself here that I took a travel journal to Kosovo with me so that I could write down names, places, facts, etc in order not to forget them. Well, it might have been a good idea for me to take the journal with me each day in lieu of leaving it at the Ilazi’s house.

We arrived at the Handiford office. The gentleman in charge of the organization and a lady who works with him met us. I immediately recognized the man from a press conference that had been held a couple of days ago. He came up to say hello to me that day. I’ve met so darn many people I have no idea who they are but I absolutely recognized his face. We went in to his office and sat down to chat.

Meeting with Handiford in Ferizaj, Kosovo. Me, Dani, lady from Handiford and Alby from INPO. 2nd photo – Director of Handiford and me.

This turned out not to be such an “easy” meeting. The gentleman (apologies for not writing down your name) began to tell me about what his organization does. He explained that funds are basically non-existent for them. They run a coffee shop (and, yes, we had macchiato from there) as both a means to raise money and to give the disabled jobs. Then he began to tell a story about an elderly couple who had a son who was disabled. The son had been bed ridden for almost 7 years when Handiford found out about him. He was near death from bed sores, infections, etc. Then he showed me a photo of the man. Nauseating doesn’t even begin to explain how physically ill the photo made me. He passed the photo around and Alby became so emotional she had to leave the room. The parents were frail and not able to either lift him from the bed nor to care for him. For years he lay in his own waste and filth. He was in such bad condition that his limbs were gnarled and twisted. They had to amputate parts of all of his limbs in able to save his life. He is now receiving visits from volunteers to bath and feed him. The volunteers go “as they can” but it is better than nothing at all. He told me that this story is not unique. The disabled are a forgotten and, in many cases, an embarrassment to their families.

I noticed that the crutch he used was old and wooden. I inquired about it. He told me that he had fashioned it himself many years ago from a tree limb. Surely I don’t really need to comment further on how much this affected me or how awful I felt. The needs of these people seem endless. My purpose for this visit seems to become more clear with each day and each experience I am subjected to.

After we left Handiford I asked to go to Camp Bondsteel . It is my “safe haven” from all of this sadness and despair. I waved hello to one of the security guards I’d gotten to “know” by coming and going. He was in the guard tower and didn’t return my wave but it’s not really his job to be waving at me now is it? We didn’t do anything once we got there and that was just fine with me. I’m having a very difficult time processing all of this. I did go over to the coffee shop with one of the Soldiers and had the WORST cup of macchiato I’ve ever had in Kosovo. And, it was about 4 times as expensive as the macchiato “outside the wire.” Perfect ending to such an emotionally draining afternoon. Then strolled through the PX. Can’t buy anything since I’m not a Soldier but didn’t really need anything anyway. I was amazed at the number of foreign soldiers in the PX. Was also interesting just to walk around the Camp and see more of it. NO PHOTOS. Of course since I’m not military I’m not allowed to have a camera or cell phone or anything of that nature with me anyway. No problem.

I’m guessing from comments I got that I was ratta tat tatting like crazy about everything I had been exposed to so far this week.

Back to the Ilazi’s house. Hot tea, conversation, laughter (I needed that) and off to bed. Earplugs in. Alarm clock set. Slathered in mosquito stuff and off to sleep. OK, tonight I took a sleeping pill. Tomorrow is another planned LONG day and I’m not going to test my luck about tossing and turning tonight.

5 August 2005 –Kosovo

We began the day by meeting at the INPO office. There is a garbage contractor in town that is paid monthly by the city of Ferizaj to pick up garbage and to assure that the downtown area is kept clean. Well, that just isn’t happening. So, INPO had planned to walk from their office through downtown and to the garbage company picking up garbage, passing out flyers with the information about the agreement for the contractor to do their job and what they were being paid. Before we left I realized we had no gloves or anything. So, I gave some of the members money and they went to buy gloves and garbage bags. When they came back we opened the gloves and “shared.” One person would get the right hand glove and another the left hand glove. I LOVE sharing!!! The media had been alerted to this project and was there to document it. Two TV stations, one radio station and 2 print journalists followed us on our “mission.” Garbage and sanitation in general are HUGE problems in Kosovo.

We set out on our way. As we walked through the streets we picked up all of the garbage. Those without gloves were passing out the flyers. OK, I must admit I was a bit anxious about this. I’ve never felt unsafe while in Kosovo but here I am in the midst of a “campaign” to uncover corruption in a country that just a mere 6 years ago had people committing some pretty darn ugly and deadly crimes. Am I nuts?

As we walked through the city people began to ask what we were doing. Then, the most incredible thing happened. I was picking up garbage in front of a business. The owner came out to ask what I was doing. I had no idea what he was saying to me so one of the INPO members came to my rescue. When she explained what we were doing he began to help. Then others began to ask questions and help. Some of them helped just while we were in front of their stores. Others continued on the way with us.

When we got to the garbage company INPO began taping a sign to the fence that told about the company being paid yet not doing there job. The manager came out and spoke with the Director of INPO who told what we were doing and why. Then the Director of INPO asked if we could take the garbage on to the premises and deposit it where it should be tossed. The manager agreed. All the time the cameras, etc. were rolling. I was SO proud of these young adults for the way they handled the whole situation.

INPO members in front of banner outside of garbage company

We walked back to the INPO office and I decided to buy them lunch. These “kids” NEVER seem to eat. We stopped at a “hamburger stand” and ordered the food. I was told it would be delivered. OK. So I paid less than $10.00 USD for 15 hamburgers, fries, meatballs and a bowl of soup. (OK, soup was for me – still not real comfy with some of these “vendors”). Then we strolled across the street and bought chips and sodas. Once back at the INPO office we were all recounting our experiences and rejoicing in the success of the project.

Celebrating with INPO after the garbage clean up project

Sure enough the food arrived. REAL plates and a man to serve it. WOW!!!

LTC Hettich made time after lunch to join us for a press conference held jointly by INPO and another NGO from Kosovo. They were promoting a video they had worked together on to educate the public about city council meetings. While I knew in advance what the video was about I was amazed at how well it was made. Even though it was in Albanian I could watch it and absolutely follow what was being discussed. They told about why city council meetings were held, who could/should attend, how to get your “issue” on the agenda, etc. I was very proud of INPO for being a part of this video. The press conference was well attended by the media. Just before the presentation of the video was to begin the power went out. Danny had planned well and had a generator there. He fired it up and all continued “on schedule.” Ok, “schedule” is a relative word in Kosovo.

LTC Hettich, me and SGT Van Lanen at press conference for city council video presentation

Danny had been excited all week about showing me Kosovo. So, this afternoon we drove about 15 minutes north of Ferizaj towards Prishtina to Gadtime cave for a tour. It really was a pretty cave and the guide fell in love with me. OK, it was dark in the cave so he had an excuse! That’s beside the point. He was a fantastic guide and we all really enjoyed both the tour and his humor.

At the end of our tour through Gadtime Cave – think the tour guide could have gotten ANY closer to me for this photo?

After the tour of the cave we dropped off the INPO members who had joined us and went to Camp Bondsteel to pick up more of the Soldiers. The Civil Affairs group had scheduled a dinner at the Castle Restaurant. The ones from Camp Monteith met us there. It was so good to see all of them again. I hadn’t seen several of them since December 2004 when I was at Ft. Benning to see them off for their deployment to Kosovo. They had, apparently, called ahead to reserve a table for us. We sat around and chatted. Then LTC Hettich stood up to thank everyone for coming. Next thing I knew one of the Soldiers walked around behind where I was sitting and handed a brown paper wrapped item to LTC Hettich. It was the most amazing framed presentation for me that included a Certificate of Appreciation for my support of them while they have been deployed. The certificate itself was beautiful. The framed presentation also included an American flag that had flown over Camp Bondsteel as well as 2 coins from the Civil Affairs Battalion. It was the same coin but showing both the front and back.

Right photo - LTC Hettich presenting Leta with 308th Civil Affairs Battalion ceremonial coin #61

Left photo – LTC Hettich presenting Leta with framed Certificate of Appreciation, flag and coin

LTC Hettich then gave me the 308th Civil Affairs Battalion #61. I was speechless! For those who know me – a moment you probably would love to have witnessed. You see, I support the Soldiers by choice because they and their families sacrifice so much during their deployments. A few packages now and then with goodies and creature comforts they cannot get seems to be nothing compared to what they give.

After dinner we were in the parking lot about to leave and decided we needed a group photo. Unfortunately 2 of the Soldiers are not pictured - SPC Gorman and DePies were in a class at Camp Bondsteel and were not allowed to leave.

308th CA BN (-), me and one of their interpreters outside the Castle restaurant near Gjilane, Kosovo

I went back to the Ilazi’s house and proudly showed them my framed presentation and coin. They were as proud and touched as I was. I could NOT sleep. This trip has changed my life in so many ways. There is a little voice inside me that I am fighting that is telling me there is a reason for me having made this journey. At my age, that little voice is saying things to me that make me scared to death. I’m not prepared to give up my business and move on to something else right now. ARGH!!!! These people, this province and the circumstances here are abominable and unacceptable. I know any little step will be helpful. I know one person can make a difference. I also know that I don’t know where in the world to start.

6 August 2005 –Kosovo

This morning I spent some time at the INPO office with the young adults. Then we went to the Balkan restaurant around lunch to meet a gentleman from radio Ferizaj who had been VERY patient all week about wanting to interview me. I really hate that I didn’t write his name down. He was a very kind man - appeared to be about 30. Danny was there to interpret for us. I was so wound up by this time in the week that when he asked me the first question I forgot to pause for Danny to interpret. So we had to start the interview over again and everyone laughed at me. I guess I did probably sound like Daffy Duck going on and on and on about everything that I had been exposed to during the week.

Interview with Radio Ferizaj at Balkan Restaurant

After the interview and lunch we were scheduled to drive up in the mountains to Stubbla. It was SO very cold today. Highs were only in the 50s. So, we stopped off for me to purchase a jacket. This change in the weather is a bit disturbing in a way.

Before we started ascending the mountain we drove through a small town. I’m not sure but I think it was Vitina. As we were driving through I was looking right and left trying to take everything in as if I’d never be back in Kosovo again. I’d been this way for days. And, as I’ve written before, I am amazed at how the Kosovars have such a love affair with America and Americans. Sure don’t read about that in the papers or see it on the news. Anyway I looked to the right and saw this huge Statue of Liberty positioned on one of the pillars of an entrance to a home. I’d seen several American flags displayed on homes but – the Statue of Liberty? WOW!

Statue of Liberty proudly displayed at a residence in Southern Kosov

The road up to Stubbla was much more modern and better maintained than the one up the Rugova Gorge. Although there were dramatic drops off the side of the road with no retaining structures of any type at least the entire road was intact. And, it was a much shorter trip on a winding mountain road. The views on the ride up and once we got there were spectacular.

Our first stop was at the Museum of the Martyrs. The area was absolutely gorgeous. Apparently this area was not bombed during the NATO bombing in 1999 and most of the structures seemed to be intact. I love the tile roofs, the old hand laid stone fences and, basically, just the “old” and rustic look of the buildings.

My brain is so full at this time of facts, figures, names and places that are “foreign” to me that even if I did ask a lot of questions about this place I failed to write the answers down. I do remember that this is one place where Mother Teresa either worked for a time or where she took her vows. We tried to gain access but there was no one there to let us in. A local man came up to us and, through the interpreter, asked if he could assist. He attempted to find someone to let us in but was unsuccessful. So, we just looked around outside and went on our way.

Photo on Left – Museum of the Martyrs

Photo on Right – View from grounds of Museum of the Martyrs

From there we drove a short distance to another village where the Church of the Black Madonna is. It is a very lovely church and in a very lovely setting. The church was open so we went in and respectfully looked around. Upon first entering the church I realized why it is named the Church of the Black Madonna – it has a Black Madonna. OK, forgive me. I’m not of the Catholic faith so I had no clue.

Photos inside the Church of the Black Madonna

A pictorial view of the area around Stubbla, Kosovo

We ended up back at Camp Bondsteel for a scheduled “farewell” dinner with DMP Imeri, Demush Zefi and Vjollca Krasniqi at the DFAC (Dinning Facility). Now, not to be “technical” but I thought it was called a mess hall. NOPE!!! Not these days. After we ate DMP Imeri pulled a big bag off of the floor. I hadn’t noticed it earlier. No reason to. Turns out it was filled with gifts for me. I was FLOORED!!! But that was just the beginning. As he began to pull them out one by one and Danny began to interpret what he was saying I was overcome with emotion. Inside the bag were an English version book of the life of Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa is from the Balkan region and spent some of her earlier years working in the area. She also took her vows in that area before she ended up in India . He also gave me an ceremonial “coin” from the municipality of Ferizaj engraved with my name. Finally he had been authorized to give me the Presidential coin of Kosovo along with a matching lapel pin. I was absolutely speechless. I’ve done NOTHING for these people other than to “show up” and listen to their situation and needs yet they are grateful that I even care. How do you process this? How do you respond to this?

Receiving the gifts from DMP Imeri at the DFAC at Camp Bondsteel , Kosovo

After dinner we said good-bye to DMP Imeri, Mr. Zefi and Mrs. Krasniqi. I spent a little more time at Camp Bondsteel , had some coffee with the Soldiers then after another long day it was off to the Ilazi’s house for tea and conversation.

As we were sitting around in the family room chatting, laughing and having a wonderful time I didn’t notice Mrs. Ilazi (Naille) leave the room. I did notice, however, when she returned. She came towards me and looked at Danny something. Then she came and stood in front of me. She, through Danny, began to tell a story about how, in the early years of her marriage she had accumulated a moderate collection of jewelry as gifts from both her family and Mr. Ilazi (Bashkim). She was able to take the jewelry with her when she, Danny and the girls fled to Macedonia and the refugee camps in 1999. Upon their return to Kosovo the jewelry survived. That was good fortune as she had to sell all except three pieces in order for them to survive. Then she reached her hand out and placed a simply yet incredibly beautiful ring in my hand. It was a sold gold band with 3 bezel set gems in it – 2 diamonds on either side of an amethyst. As I sat there admiring it I was waiting for the rest of the “story” about this piece of jewelry. Then Danny told me that his mother wanted me to have it. I think he must have had to tell me more than once. I was so torn when it finally sunk in. I knew I could not refuse it as that would seem ungrateful and rude yet I couldn’t even begin to reconcile why I should have the honor of receiving it. I put it on my ring finger and it was way too big. I didn’t want to lose it so I put it on my middle finger and that is where it stayed until I returned home from Kosovo. Now it “lives” in a very special place where it will never be lost. That ring symbolizes so much to me that it would take me hours to write about it. It symbolizes friendship, love, hope, desperation, pain, joy, kindness, honor and so many other emotions. It is, clearly, one of my most prized possessions and will be until the day I die. I stood up to give Naille a big hug and Danny continued to interpret for his mother. She wanted me to know how happy they were to have met me, to have me in there home. She wanted me to know how much hope they now have. Why? I’ve done nothing for this family other than be allowed to share their home – a stranger who just “dropped in” one day to stay for 10 days. My emotions are reeling. Why am I here? What is the purpose of all of this? As I sat their listening to Danny through tear filled eyes Adelina came over to sit next to me and put her arms around me. I NEVER expected this. I’m truly at home here in more ways than one can imagine and I just don’t know what to do.

I finally went off to bed after more hot tea. I set the alarm for an early rise in the morning. Sleep was not easy tonight. I actually got up more than once to read or to write in my journal. And I listened to the sounds of Ferizaj – the music from a neighbor’s house, the dogs barking, people’s voices. I stood on the overhang and felt the hot breeze. I thought about so many of the people I have met and wondered just how they make it through every day the way they do yet I hear no complaints about the conditions I which they live. To hell with the heat, lack of air conditioning, mosquitoes, etc. I thought about our amazing service men and women here and around the world and the incredible work they are doing in so many countries. I didn’t think it possible to be any more proud to be an American than I was before this trip but I am. I love my country. I am thankful for all of the opportunities that I have back home. And, I am thankful that I’m in Kosovo.

7 August 2005 –Kosovo

This morning 3 of the Civil Affairs Soldiers and I were invited to join the Ilazi family at church and we decided we would do so. Yesterday I told the Ilazis that after church I wanted to take the whole family to a restaurant for lunch. There was a bit of hesitation and refusal at first. Then I explained that in America it is not unusual for a family to go to a restaurant for lunch after church each Sunday. I added that it would be a small way for me to thank them for their hospitality. They finally agreed.

After I had showered (yes there was power this morning) and gotten dressed I went down to the family room for hot tea and to wait for time to go to church. As we were sitting there Mrs. Ilazi came in all dressed up. She looked so nice and was beaming from ear to ear because we were all going to church together. I commented that her perfume smelled nice. Now it is rare that I wear perfume. I’ve only found one fragrance that doesn’t give me awful headaches. Being around someone who is doused in perfume or cologne is not a pleasant experience for me either. Adelina, the youngest daughter, interpreted to her mother what I had said. The next thing I knew Mrs. Ilazi had gone to her room and returned with the perfume bottle. Before I realized what was about to happen she began to pump perfume all over me. Oh how I love these people to the depth of my soul for their selflessness, love, caring and compassion. But……I was now faced with a day long headache. Oh, well.

The majority of Kosovars are Muslim. Those of Danny’s family who regularly attend church are Protestant. Today the entire family went along with us. Mrs. Ilazi practically floated up the stairs to the room where they hold the service. She arranged us all in a row together bringing in chairs and Bibles for everyone. Danny did not sit with us as he was one of the musicians. During the service Adelina went to the front to lead the songs. She did a fantastic job. The service was in English and Albanian today. A few of the church “staff” are missionaries from the United States . Today was their last day to be there as they were returning home. As a way to honor and thank them much of the service was held in English. That was a nice bonus.

After church we loaded up in a couple of vehicles and drove to Balkan (the restaurant) for lunch. We pulled tables together to make one. I’m sure it has been years since they have all eaten out together like this. As they opened the menus several of their eyes were wide open. I like Balkan for a couple of reasons. They have good food and they have pictures of the food. Makes it easy for me to order! The servings are huge, too! I made sure each of them ordered whatever they wanted. Most of them ordered the combination plate which includes steak, chicken breast and sausage along with potatoes and salad. We ordered drinks, too. Mrs. Ilazi drank down her cherry juice and I ordered her another one. She beamed! This was the beginning of me realizing how much she LOVES cherries.

Illazi family and KFOR Soldiers – lunch at Balkan after church

Baskets of bread were brought out and we all sat around eating, talking and laughing. It was a memorable and magical time. After we had eaten and were all about to burst from being so full I ordered one dessert for us to all share. When it came I took a spoon, got a bite and passed it along to the next person. Adelina has the biggest sweet tooth of any 12 year old I have ever met and she is skinny as a rail. I honestly have only seen this family eat one meal and I wonder just how often they really do eat. Anyway, she wanted her own dessert so I ordered it. I have no idea where she found the room to eat it but she did.

Adelina and her own dessert at Balkan on my final Sunday in Kosovo

After lunch we were walking towards the vehicles and decided to take a few group photos to commemorate the event. It had been such a wonderful time and more like “normal” than most of the time I had spent here.

Left to right – Adelina, SGT Van Lanen, Arta, SFC Pointer, Naille, Bashkim, Danny, Fitori and SFC Franco

We loaded up and took the Ilazis back to there house. Then I went to Camp Bondsteel with the Soldiers. I’m leaving tomorrow and wanted the chance to say good bye and to thank them for everything the have done and continue to do. They are so amazing. I am so honored and lucky to have been able to watch them from time to time on this trip and observe them as they do their work out in the community. I wish there was some way more civilians could have the opportunity I did to be in places they were in and watch them on their missions. They are inspiring, effective, diligent, compassionate, knowledgeable, professional and so incredibly committed to their tasks.

In the late afternoon I found myself back at my Kosovar “home.” Mrs. Ilazi had done my laundry AGAIN!!! I had asked her over and over again not to do that. I just felt bad that she and the daughters were “waiting” on me that way. While they are lucky to have a washing machine all of the laundry must be hug out to dry then they iron it. I don’t even iron my own things in America !!! Every night when I would come home I would find my laundry hanging to dry next to theirs on racks sitting in front of the house.

Tonight we went to the PoPo club for a farewell party. Honestly, I was NOT looking forward to this at all. Good byes are not something I like and this one was going to be difficult at best. I have totally and completely fallen in love with these people. I know names and faces. I know the awful conditions in which many of them “live” day to day. I know the kindness and generosity of a people who have so much less than I do with regard to material possessions but who are so far above and beyond me with what they have in their spirits and hearts. Humbling – very humbling. I still know there is a purpose and a reason for having been allowed this experience in my life but I’m not ready to allow myself to open up to what that is and it is gnawing at me like crazy.

Danny, his sisters and I arrive at PoPo. We climb out of his tiny little car and walk through the dark parking lot, through the dark alley way between the buildings and out on to the sidewalk about 2 to 3 businesses down from PoPo. As we begin to get close I can hear the crowd. The place is packed! We enter the outer courtyard like area and everyone begins to shout and yell. I was spirited towards the inner area and seated at a table. The INPO members surround me and give me hugs and kisses. Resul Jusefi approaches to give me a big hug. His smile is as big as always. They have brought plates of food for the party. Resul brought me the PoPo “special” drink which is some fruit juice concoction with some type of liquor in it. I was introduced to people I had never met before. Some had come to meet “the American” and say good bye. Others were just there. The music was loud and the atmosphere was festive.

After a time the music is lowered and Danny calls everyone’s attention. On behalf of INPO he then gave me a certificate making me an honorary member of INPO. I was so very touched! Then he gave me a gift from INPO. It was a hand carved wooden Eagle. Resul came over about that time and presented me with one of his paintings. When we went to Prizren on August 2nd I’d had a difficult time deciding between two of his paintings. He gave me the one that I had not purchased that day. So now picture me being emotional – AGAIN!!! This is just too much. I have not been overcome by emotion this much in the past several years of my life combined yet I doubt anyone in all of Kosovo would ever believe me not to be an emotional person!

Left photo – Leta and Albi from INPO at going away party.

Right photo-Leta and Resul as he presents painting

We loaded back up in Danny’s car and returned to the Ilazi house. I had packing to do as I am leaving tomorrow. Danny’s mother and father and little sister were waiting for us when we arrived. We sat in the family room and had hot tea. The mood was somber. Adelina brought me gifts. She had bought me a container of her favorite hand cream and a report folder. She gave me the report folder for me to use in my business when I return to America . I was so very touched that, yes, I lost it once again. I pulled her in to my lap and just hugged her. How can I leave them here? Mr. Ilazi also had a gift for me. It was a lighter with and engraved sailboat on it. I had mentioned to them that I loved to sail and that I did that as often as I could with my family.

I said my good nights and started up the stairs to my room the entire female contingent of the family followed me. They wanted to help me pack. I finally was able to convince them that I appreciated their offer but it would be easier for me to do it myself. I just needed to try to break my connection. OK, I didn’t break it and never will but I needed to be alone.

8 August 2005 –Kosovo

Well, it’s “D” day – as in departure day. When I woke up this morning I began reflecting on my time here. I started with the experience of walking across the border between Macedonia and Kosovo with Danny and listening to his story about him and his mother and sisters walking out as refugees. I remembered so many of the faces of people I met – some whose names I remember – most I don’t. I thought about the conditions in which they live and their amazing spirit and resolve. They have so much hope.

I thought about the power going off at the most inopportune times and not having water; about how they cook on wood burning stoves; about how the school children have no books and must go to classes in shifts just to be able to say they went to school. I remembered all of the beauty I had seen throughout this province in the landscape as well as the people and the other side of the coin – the garbage and the raw sewage everywhere. I thought about how I had seen cows behind fences, staked out, roaming unattended, in the back of pick up trucks and cars. Most of all I thought about what I could do to help. Still no answer.

One of the Soldiers needed to go to Skopje , Macedonia to the Consulate to pick up a passport so I snagged a ride with them to the airport. Actually 3 of the Soldiers, Danny and I went. The one Soldier I really expected to come along didn’t. Turns out that Soldier really didn’t want to deal with seeing me go. We had all worked together so well this week on so many projects and the bond I formed with some of the Soldiers and many of the locals was deep and real. I suppose, in hindsight, it was best.

We approached the border crossing and the vehicle pulled over to let Danny and me out for our final walk across. My feet felt like lead. My heart felt like lead. I needed to go. I was way beyond overload and needed to get back to normalcy to figure all this out.

One more UNMIK stamp on my passport and we walked the quarter mile through no man’s land for the Macedonian stamp then hopped back into the vehicle. The UNMIK stamp stands for United Nations Mission in Kosovo. Since Kosovo is a province of Serbia and Montenegro and not an independent nation there is no Kosovo passport stamp.

When we got to Skopje we pulled in to a restaurant about a block from the consulate. We had left in time to have lunch before my flight. We got a table and I ordered macchiato (what a surprise!). The Soldier who needed the passport set off for the consulate and told us to go ahead and order not knowing how long it might take him. We sat and sipped out coffee for a bit before ordering. In no time at all he was back. We ordered lunch and got in to a big discussion with Danny about a civil society and the rights/duties of the citizens as well as elected officials, police, fire, etc. It went on for some time. I kept reminding myself of two things; 1) this area has only been “free” for about 6 years and 2) Danny is an intelligent young man – he will figure all of this out in time.

After lunch we drove to the airport. I went through security with Danny and a couple of the Soldiers, checked my bags and got my boarding passes to Vienna then on to Zurich . We exited the airport building and sat in the outside area of a coffee shop. I was fighting emotion but determined NOT to let them see me. We drank a couple more macchiato, chatted, laughed and recounted some of the experiences of my visit. On the ride down to Skopje I had asked them not to leave until my plane took off for fear that if there were problems with the flight I would have no way of contacting anyone to help me out. Well, about an hour before departure I stood up and said it was time for them to go. Danny looked at me in disbelief. I was still holding it together but knew it wouldn’t be for long. I got Danny’s cell number “just in case”, gave hugs all around, turned and walked away. There was no looking back. The tears were rolling down my face at this point. The root of my emotions was about 50/50 between leaving these amazing Soldiers who I had come to know so much better and felt as if they were truly family and that of leaving these incredible people of Kosovo who had opened their arms, hearts and homes to me as if we had known each other our whole lives.

The flight took off on time for Vienna . As we approached Vienna I was reminded of the time in 1980 that I took a hydrofoil down the Danube river from there into Bratislava , Czechoslovakia which was, at that time, behind the Iron Curtain. I remembered seeing the rolled barbed wire, gun towers and armed military along the river as we followed the (then Czech) border to Bratislava . I remembered people on the hydrofoil telling about family members who had tried to escape and had been killed. I remembered seeing school children dressed in gray and black playing in school yards surrounded by the rolled wire and “guards.” I remembered walking down the streets on our “tours” and looking back to see armed military jump in to doorways as if to “hide” from us seeing the. And I wondered why that particular trip didn’t affect me at all compared to my experiences in Kosovo.

I connected with a flight to Zurich . Once in Zurich I got my bags and went to the hotel to spend the night. My flight for American leaves in the morning. I didn’t sleep at all – I couldn’t turn my brain off.

Night in Zurich

9 August 2005 – Kosovo

I woke up this morning after tossing and turning all night. Jumped in the shower then on the shuttle to the airport for me flight back to America . I had used frequent flyer miles to upgrade my ticket. As I was settling in to my seat the flight attendants came around to inquire as to whether we would like a beverage or not. I declined. I just wanted to put on my headset and go to sleep.

There was a young lady in the seat in front of me who appeared to be late teens. She was sloppily dressed in “designer” sweatpants that were baggy and unattractive, a sweatshirt that screamed “I’ve been in Europe for the summer” and flip flops. The flight attendant asked her if she would like a beverage. She ordered a beer as if the flight attendant was her paid servant. I couldn’t get over the tone of the way she spoke. The flight attendant responded that she could not serve her a beer as she was under age. For the next minute or two I had to listen to this ungrateful, disrespectful young lady scream at the flight attendant about how her daddy was a frequent flyer and had given her this trip to Europe and how she had consumed alcohol on the flight over, etc. My point is this – I wanted to take her to Kosovo. I wanted her to see the young adults I had just left behind and the lives they are living. I wanted her to see their spirit and to witness the hope and determination they have. I wanted her to realize that beer was one of MANY things just not important in life. My mind was reeling with what I wanted to say to her. I put my headset on – probably a waste of breath even if I did attempt to talk to her and it really wasn’t the right forum in which to do it.

Soon after take off I reclined my seat and took an 8 hour “nap.” About 2 hours after that we landed in America . Now what do I do? I’m still working on figuring this out.